Is it just me that find Thursdays becoming overly more interesting and exciting 😀 😄
Happy beautiful Thursday Lovelies!
Boss, as I fondly call him, is very enthusiastic and passionate about any discourse relating to excellence and been fruitful. I particularly enjoyed this interview because his responses have this lovely touch of humor that gave me the belly deep kinda laughter. Please relax, read, learn and share your lessons in the comment box.
Being Single Is A Season To Build Your Self-Worth And Value – Ayobami Akinade
SFF Question: Can we meet you please?
Ayobami: Sure you can. My name is Ayobami Akinade fondly called Ay (or Ayotivity), Ayobee, Benbenzo, JaRuLes, De-Bams, Bammy (lol). I am a Chartered Accountant certified globally by ACCA and locally by ICAN. I specialise in the act and art of strategy development, financial advisory, photography and men’s fashion.
SFF Question: What does being single mean to you?
Ayobami: Being Single is a window and season to build your self-worth and value such that when your partner shows up, it would be evident that you are a help-meet and not a parasite.
Being single is also a period where I can maximally take risks without answering much ‘JAMB’ questions. There are some risks I can take now as a single person but may not give them a second thought in marriage. For example, if I get a job offer that would take me away for a year or more, I don’t need to have a heart to heart meeting with anyone at the moment, all I have to do is put a call through to my sweet mom that I would only be calling for the next one year but in marriage that would be impossible. I would have to first have a board meeting with my wife, to justify why I should accept the offer. Catch my drift?
Also, I recently concluded my professional exams with ACCA and ICAN. I know the time, funds and other things I had to sacrifice to hit that feat – I had to study for days, go for weekend lectures, I even had no time to make money, lol. It was always a countdown to the next exam date.
I was able to concentrate wholly because I had focus on just two things – work and the exams. If I were married, I believe I would have had so much distractions. My wife and probably kids would want attention, and I couldn’t have provided that at the time.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not against marriage. As a matter of fact, I’m now in a new phase where my citizenship and status as a Single need to be reviewed before friends and family start visiting MFM on my behalf, lol.
SFF Question: Can a single be fruitful and fulfilled?
Ayobami: Oh YES! It all depends on the individual. Some people are able to maximise their single status that their fruitfulness is evident for all to see. One question I often ask myself is “If I were to be the opposite sex, would I date/marry me? If the answer is NO, I don’t waste my time trying to get into any relationship.
My conclusion has always been if I can’t date/marry myself, why punish some other person to do so? This Single period is an opportunity for me to develop and invest in myself so I can be a Fruitful person I will be proud to marry. Same goes to every Single person. We can be Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled!
SFF Question: At what point did it dawn on you that one can be fruitful and fulfilled even before getting married.
Ayobami: It didn’t really dawn on me, it has always been a conviction. Marriage to me should be an icing on an already set cake.
SFF Question: How important is it to discover purpose and have a vision before getting married?
Ayobami: Extremely important. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. Discovering your God-given purpose before marriage is not negotiable. The demands of marriage may even make it impossible to ever discover should you intend to discover it in marriage. In addition, only a purposeless person would marry someone who has no or is yet to discover his/her purpose; being in a relationship with such person is tantamount to wasting precious time and life.
Purpose also determines the kind of person you choose to marry. Your choice of partner should align with the purpose you already discovered. I can’t have a purpose to change the world and marry someone that can’t change anything but her DP (display picture). A person intending to lead a nation will make a deadly mistake aligning with a partner who only understands how to mix Chelsea, alomo, and dry gin to make Orijin.
SFF Question: Did you have any wedding plans for 2016 or desire to get married before end of 2016.
Ayobami: No, I didn’t. I have a checklist which I religiously follow. I had to reshuffle somethings but wedding certainly wasn’t listed on my list for 2016.
SFF Question: What can a single do to become SFF?
Ayobami: One you need to know the reason you are single e.g. I am single because I need to achieve A, B and C. This would enable you to prioritise your goals and aspirations. You can become SFF by first discovering and defining your purpose. It is key.
Pursue your purpose like you need it to breathe. Don’t give room to peer pressure. It isn’t easy, I must say but it’s not worth giving in to. Should you miss it, the same peers would be at the forefront of those to mock you. It is your life not theirs. That said, also attach a specific time frame to your goals; you don’t want to still be pursuing the same goals at 55.
Third, choose your friends wisely; not everyone can see and believe your value system. If you have friends who believe only married people can be fulfilled and fruitful, you would be forced to buy their idea. Also, don’t keep only married people as friends, it will put you under pressure.
Have the right Holy Ghost inspired value system and don’t compromise it for anything, not even for pressure from your Pastor, parents or friends.
SFF Question: How can one differentiate between the desire and the desperation to be married?
Ayobami: Desire is when you are ready with all the basic things required i.e. mentally, financially, emotionally and spiritually. Desperation on the other hand is when you just want to wear a ring for all the wrong reasons, e.g. – you think all eyes are on you; all your friends have gone on honeymoon; your parents seem very close to the grave and you’re yet to give them grandchildren; your pastor is trying to match make you, et al.
SFF Question: What are the challenges you have faced on the journey to be SFF
Ayobami: Topping the list is Loneliness, mehn, Loneliness is a bastard. Then, peer pressure.
When I see young fellas having the fun of their lives while I am here pursuing purpose and fulfilment. What keeps me going however is the conviction I have in the pursuit of my purpose, dreams and aspiration. I want it as bad as I want to breathe. Loneliness can only last at most 7hours in a day, I can’t be lonely all day.
One way I have learnt to tackle Loneliness is having friends (male and female) I can hang out with any day, anytime, anywhere.
SFF Question: Advice to anyone who think it is impossible to be SFF.
Ayobami: President Buhari’s official photographer, Bayo Omoboriowo, only got married recently, he was living a fruitful and fulfilled life being saying I Do. Same for the guy that created the Facebook most Singles are addicted to (he created Facebook years before he got married).
Adekunle Gold is still single. Steve Crown, the crooner of “You are Great” still got no ring, Kelechi Iheanacho, the Super Eagles and Manchester City Star is still very single (doubt if he is up to 20 years of age)… I can go on and on. My point is, being single is not a disadvantage in any way. Have said it before and I’ll say I again, it is a window and season to build your self-worth and value such that when your partner shows up, it will be evident that you are help-meet (or require to be helped) and not a parasite.
SFF Bonus Question: What part of your lifestyle do you think will likely change after marriage?
Ayobami: This is a tall one oh, hehe. It think it will be the way I spend my spare time majorly.
Oh my my! Ay, you know this is one of the many reasons I call you Boss?!! I particularly love the way you aptly redefined the role of marriage in relation to being fruitful and fulfilled: “Marriage to me should be an icing on an already set cake.” Gbam!
You know some have made some assumptions that being #SFF is for spiricoco people, whatever that means. But really, it applies to every single unmarried person across all tribes, colors, religion and geographical location! You should desire to have a whole life that will attract the right kind of spouse your way.
Thank you so much Boss for taking out time to answer these #SFF FAQs.
Your turn darlings, what lessons did you pick from Ayobami’s interview? Please share in the comment box let’s learn together.
Next Star Guest on the #SFF Series is Gabriella Ifeoma Ekesiobi (aka GabbySpeaks), Co-founder of Light Bearers Ministry. Please keep a date with us next Thursday.
PS: The SFF Series is dedicated to interviewing single eligible Christian youths who are 25 years and above. These ones, though single (which is not a disadvantage in any way) are already living fruitful lives and fulfilling purpose in their various fields of calling.
The aim is to learn from them how one can be Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled. We also want to learn from any experience, mistakes or regrets they had before discovering that it is 100% possible to be SFF.
Wishing y’all a Beautiful and most Fruitful rest of week.