You know that feeling when you’ve prayed, made your plans, done your best (or so you think) and yet things refuse to fall in place? You get anxious, angry, sad, disappointed, depressed, frustrated and any other negative emotion. But as time goes on, and the days roll into months or even years, your mind looks back in retrospect and finally understands why God didn’t answer that prayer then.
I remember last year, I was planning my wedding. If things had gone as planned, 12 December 2016 would have been my one year wedding anniversary… But that plan didn’t play out, so when 2016 came, the plans were again set in motion… and well, man proposes but God disposes (Proverbs 19:21, TLB).
Before I understood Proverbs 19:21 and some other related scriptures, I had gone through several shades of negative emotions – anxiety, sadness, disappointment, depression and the likes. The full story on that isn’t the focus of today’s post (if you stay tuned to the blog though, you may hear the #UnheardStory about it soon enough, hehe).
One of Dr. Uju Okorie’s Facebook posts on Sunday, 18 December, aptly captures the 3 basic things a typical African (wo)man regards as Blessing/prosperity – Money, Marriage and Children. (You can read the post here). These 3 things seem to be all we consciously or unconsciously measure our level of success/blessing against. Even if you claim not to give ‘em much thought, society will make you feel you lacking something essential if you’re up to the ‘age’ of attaining either of them and yet have them not.
Out of the 3, the one that attracts the most pressure and side talks is marriage. Whether you’re rich or poor, tall or short, fat or slim, etc., once you get to society’s unwritten, pre-set age bracket for marriage, your life will be inundated with lots of FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) relating to marriage. The way it is, you don’t even get to your teenage years before family and friends attempt to match-make you to some sort of suitable life partner. Hence, once you get to this quote or unquote age bracket, family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, spirituals heads, etc. all want to know when you’re getting married. Make a ‘mistake’ and post some innocent picture of you with someone of the opposite gender (even if the person is family), the comment section and sometimes inbox will be filled with assumptions or questions of s(he) being ‘the one’. The way the questions and match-making attempts come, you’d almost think marriage is the unwritten starter pack for fulfilling purpose or living a fruitful life.
Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a good and beautiful thing, God in His wisdom made it so. But don’t let anyone, family or otherwise, pressure you into the institution before you get all the necessary admission credentials (the credentials here vary from person to person). Don’t let no one convince or confuse you that marriage is the pre-requisite for fulfilling purpose. If it were so, our saviour Jesus would have not been qualified to reconcile mankind back to God, catch my drift?
Yes, marriage can help you be fruitful and fulfil your purpose on earth, that’s why God created a helpmeet for man. But to be a helpmeet or to be helped, you got to first be busy working on your purpose, like Adam. A lot of us singles put some dreams and God-given assignments on hold, waiting for marriage to happen first; this is so not right. I was in that boat (Mehn, I was so obsessed with wedding plans and desperate to be a Mrs that I put a lot of dreams and projects on hold) until recently, October to be precise, when God convicted me of putting some visions and projects on hold till after marriage #sigh. Now I know better… To be honest, the first time I had thoughts of “Another Christmas and I’m still single”, it had nothing to do with any series.
As the year kept drawing closer and closer to an end and my wedding plans seemed to fall more apart than fall in place, thoughts of “Another Christmas and another I’m still single” came to my mind and I started brooding over it… and not in a positive way. I felt God wasn’t being nice by delaying answers to my heart desire… Until God convicted me that this is what a lot of us do, not just in the area of getting married but in other areas of life where we’ve drawn a certain time limit for God to do what we want Him to do for us, e.g.: admission into school, getting that contract or job, promotion, etc. We make statements like: “another Christmas and I’m still single”; “another anniversary and I still have no child”; “another new year and I still got no job”; “another academic session and I still got no admission…” and on and on.
After the preceding thoughts and conviction, God impressed on my heart to run a series on Being Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled. I chose the tagline “Another Christmas and I’m Still Single”, because that was the thought that brought about the idea, but as the days and weeks went by, it became clearer that this goes way beyond the Christmas season, and such thoughts are not limited to only singles. The vision is way bigger than just running an SFF series on the blog, but we’ll take it one step at a time.
The summary of all the above gist is to formally introduce the much talked about SFF Series, a series on Being Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled. It is an interesting series that will keep us refreshed, enlightened and ultimately e-boosted throughout the Christmas period and into the New Year.
If you feel pressured/anxious, like I was, about getting married, this series is for you. Do you know anyone who is in such shoes? Please don’t hesitate to share this series with them. Are you among those (un)consciously mounting pressure on anyone to get married? Ma’am, sire, please you need to read this series and share it with your friends too.
The SFF series is dedicated to interviewing single eligible Christian youths who are 25 years and above. These ones, though single (which is not a disadvantage in any way) are already living fruitful lives and fulfilling purpose in their various fields of calling.
The aim is to learn from them how one can be Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled. We also want to learn from any experience, mistakes or regrets they had before discovering that it is 100% possible to be SFF.
The series does not in any way negate or undermine the institution of marriage. Contrary to that, it tries to buttress that you have to be fruitful first as a single before you can be fruitful as anyone’s companion.
Our first Star guest on the series is the adorable Itunu Taiwo of myglowingscenes.com. Want to know what she has to say about being Single, Fruitful and Fulfilled? Then keep a date with the blog next Thursday.
Wishing y’all a very Merry Christmas! Don’t let nothing steal your Joy or God’s praise from your lips in this season.