As humans, it is easier to remember wrongs done to us even after a long time than to remember the good done to us. It is the default nature of man to easily forget good received from God or man but consciously/unconsciously retain memory of wrongs (real or imagined) received from others. I have also observed that it is easier to remember and magnify the good we do/have done to/for others than to consciously or unconsciously remember the offences we do against them. In reality, it takes conscious effort, prayers and the special grace of God to do the opposite of the above scenarios. So for today’s e-Boost, we’ll be talking about how to manage our relationships by not forgetting the good of others towards us.
Years ago, I read a book by Rev. Humphrey Erumaka titled “Sustaining Friendships” and he (Rev. Humphrey) explained that the reason he has retained some friends over the years is because overtime he had learned to overlook somethings by consciously remembering the entry point and benefit of each relationship, as this helps him fight for friendships that need to be kept. This was the key lesson I learnt from the book – to never forget the entry point and benefit of a relationship even when the tides turn. While thinking on this topic, it dawned on me that a lot of people (moi inclusive) don’t and can’t go far in life simply because they are quick to forget the things that ought to be remembered but hold on to memories that should be forgotten. Memories that cause anger, sadness, strife, resentments and divisions.
For our close and casual relationships to be better and last longer, it is imperative that we keep close tab of good/benefit received from others rather than keep tab of real or imagined offences against us. Recently, I was feeling unappreciative of some of my friends, particularly, those I feel ‘owe me’ in some way because I have done some good to/for them. The irony is that my mind failed to call to remembrance the several times they had each had my back some way or another which would have given me some reason to appreciate them. The more my mind dwelt on their real/imagined offences against me, the more I became resentful towards them and before long it reflected in my response to their chats and calls and you guessed right – that automatically put some strain on our communication and relationship! This is what happens when we fail to remember the good of others towards us while thinking of ourselves as blameless; realizing this, taught me the importance of not forgetting the necessary.
When you are offended by a relative, friend, team member, associate, colleague, church member, neighbor or etc. try remembering at least one good/benefit you have received from them before you react. And if after much thought, you can’t think of any good they have done to/for you, do them some good – give them a reason to remember you for good.
David understood that man is prone to overlooking and easily forgetting benefits so he consciously told his soul to not forget.
“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits” – Psalm 103:2 (NIV).
This scripture is primarily reminding us to not forget or take God’s goodness for granted. We should also not forget the human instruments God uses to bring us some of these benefits and goodness.
Forgetting benefits/goodness received from God and man leads to two major things:
And these two ingredients are sure to kill any good relationship. What we need are Gratitude and Appreciation for one another, no matter how little. Let us learn to remember the good/benefits and allow the good memories to overshadow the not so good ones.
May God give us the wisdom and grace to manage our relationships rightly by remembering the needful and forgetting all that causes ingratitude, strife and resentments. May we not burn the bridges in our relationships or take out the oil our relationships need to flow more smoothly. For other articles on Managing Relationships, please click here.
Thank you for reading today’s post.
PS: So sorry the e-Boosts have recently been coming in on Tuesdays instead of Mondays; they’ll move back to Mondays next month.
Also, the CEO Memoirs have been MIA; I’m currently tying some loose ends backend to ensure that things move more smoothly and consistently from next month. Thank you for your understanding
Till next e-Boost, have a Fruitful Tuesday and a fulfilling rest of week (irrespective of the new PMS price).
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