When Death Happens

atacrossroads.net

Death is the least topic to start the week with. As a matter of fact, it is not a welcome topic anytime. I personally do not like to talk about death any time any day… but the occurrence of death, the loss of a dear one, the passing on of someone you know closely or remotely, is something I doubt the living can completely avoid. Death unfortunately is a part of life; it is a constant reminder that our life here is temporary.

Death sounds so distant and surreal when it’s the obituary of a stranger or someone you really have no relationship with… at that point sympathy is just enough. The ‘Take hearts’, ‘It is wells’, ‘God knows best’ ‘Rest in Peace’ and it’s likes are enough and life goes on with business as usual… until death comes visiting your neighborhood. It could be the loss of a parent, uncle, aunt, sibling, cousin, child, niece, nephew, friend, neighbour or colleague or any dear one. Then reality dawns that even though time goes on as usual, life isn’t the same. With the death of each loved one, a part of me attached to them dies. Even though I jump around and try to remain my cheerful self, deep within the ‘What ifs’ pile up. I query myself on what I could have done differently to prevent the sad event. I ask God why He’d allow such to happen…

Each time I receive news of the death of a loved one, my first reaction is shock, then un-belief, then denial. I might echo with my mouth that the said person is dead but deep within, I still doubt and deny it especially if the deceased is a young person.

On Thursday, I got home from work around 8.00pm and all I really wanted to do was eat and sleep but then I got a call from home.

Mum: Chi, ke kwanu? (Chi, how are you?)

Me: Adimu mma (I am fine)

(I was wondering why my mum was calling me cos I called her on Tuesday to wish her Happy new month)

Mum: Ke maka Success (How’s Success?)

Me: She’s fine, I just came back from work.

Mum: Okay, I was trying to reach her but her number is not going through. Biko unu kpor Pastor Joe (please you people should call Pastor Joe), we are just coming from the hospital, Ogboo m anwu go (my namesake is dead)

Me: Jesus! What happened!?

The news was just out of the blues, I couldn’t make sense out of what my mum said happened. Long story short, Ijeoma, my mum’s namesake, fell ill on Wednesday, they gave her medical attention and took her to the hospital on Thursday when she wasn’t getting better… she didn’t return home with her parents, she died in the hospital.

Lil Ije was just a year and 3 months, she was born November, 2014. (I was seriously tempted to put up her pix in this post but I decided against it. I can’t get myself to use her lovely face for obituary even though she’s already buried…)

My mind has gone through a thousand thoughts since I heard the sad news and I suppress the question “God why?” with “God you know why.”

For most Christians, January is the month of Fasting and Prayers and my home church just concluded her 3-weeks fasting and prayers last Sunday the 31st of January. Pastor Joe is my dad’s assistant pastor, a very Faithful, God-fearing and prayerful man of God. The best my dad has had so far in his ministry. Ijeoma is his first and only child at the moment and she has all the attention parents can give their child. My mum doths on her specially cos she was named after her so she takes her as one of her grandchildren.

It’s sad, very sad that the very week the church finished prayers, their pastor loses his child. I asked God why will you let such happen? What happened to our covenant with you “that there shall be no loss of life, no loss of property and no loss of any man’s job?”

I’m still short for words… If I feel this way, I wonder how her parents, my parents and the church will feel. I have called to commiserate with them and i won’t stop praying the Lord to comfort their hearts and give them the fortitude to bear this loss.

For us the living, It is imperative we make the most of every moment, cherish our loved ones and let them know we truly care for them while they are still alive. Death makes us sober, it makes us reflect on life and how wrongly we place our priorities but before long the effect wears off and we continue with our busy routine. When my uncle died in April 2014, I regret not calling him as often as I should have. I was always procrastinating being in touch, today I can’t call him no more even if I have all the airtime in the world. I may have written a beautiful tribute for his burial but the dead don’t get to read our beautiful lines. It is important we create time in our busy schedules to appreciate our loved ones while we still can; the next minute is not guaranteed.

Today’s Monday e-Boost is specially dedicated to:

  •  Ijeoma Ugwuoke – Rest in peace little one, we love you but God loves you more.
  • Nnamdi – I know this weekend is a nightmare you wish will pass you by. But piling up the ‘What ifs’ won’t bring your dad back to life nor prevent his burial from holding this weekend.

To the families of the bereaved, please take heart. I share in your grief even though I do not fully comprehend your pain.

May God comfort the grieving and mourning amongst us, grant them the fortitude to bear this loss and replace their mourning with dancing in Jesus name, Amen.

Wishing y’all a Great and Happy week

ChinyereDistinguished

PS: In this season of love, let us take some time  to make those long overdue calls to family and friends.

Photo Credit: atacrossroads.net
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32 Replies to “When Death Happens”

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss dear. I pray for comfort for her family and loved ones.
    Death really does slap us into reality sometimes, there’s not as much time as we think…May we make the best use of our days for Christ!
    Stay blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This reminds me of a book I read when I was in secondary sch. I was given to be me by my uncle( a Rev. Fr). a line that I will never forget was about death. “why do we fill shock at the news of the death of our parents or loved ones? did we have any signed agreement with God that this is how or when we gonna die?”
    i guess we should constantly remained ourselves and accept that death is a part of life (our slogan at the mention of death is “God forbid” because we know deeply we are not ready/prepared) and that could reconstruct us in a better way.
    Dear , may her soul rest in peace.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Destiny. Your comment drives the point home – none of us has a signed agreement with God on how or when a loved one will pass on.

      We all really need to come to terms and accept that death is a part of life and our Maker can call any of us home at any time and saying ‘God forbid’ does not deter death from striking.

      Thanks again for reading and commenting Des.

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  3. Such a pity. We ought to live everyday carefully, knowing that the next minute is not assured. I pray God comforts you all and her parents, especially. Have a fulfilled week dear.

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  4. Death being a constant occurence around us, is a hard thing to accept when brought into our own environment, even when we know it is unavoidable and final. A warm and heart-felt “Sorry” for your loss. May God grant the families of the bereaved the strength and solace to look ahead. Nice write up.

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  5. Great read as usual Chi, proud of you as always. Death is inevitable this we know, the pain of losing a loved one though is something that probably never goes away. A colleague of mine lost his 9 months Old son on Sunday, I got the news on getting to work yesterday and l couldn’t just believe it. What however got me speechless, awed was his level of faith. We decided to pay a visit and on seeing us, he kept smiling, saying God had a reason for taking him and we shouldn’t mourn!

    I have never gotten over losing my mom and am absolutely sure the pain will never go away, all we do is find ways to live with the pain and move on with life as usual. Losing my dad and a dear cousin years later was the height and I know it took a greater understanding of faith and God’s greater purpose to move on.

    We can only try our best to live right, spend quality time with family & check on loved ones as much as we can. At the end, it’s a price we all have to pay. My condolences for your loss and I can only pray God grant your Pastor and your family the fortitude to bear the loss. Amen

    Apologies for the long comment

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great read as usual Chi, Death is inevitable this we know, the pain of losing a loved one though is something that probably never goes away. A colleague of mine lost his 9 months Old son on Sunday, I got the news on getting to work yesterday and l couldn’t just believe it. What however got me speechless, awed was his level of faith. We decided to pay a visit and on seeing us, he kept smiling, saying God had a reason for taking him and we shouldn’t mourn!

    I have never gotten over losing my mom and am absolutely sure the pain will never go away, all we do is find ways to live with the pain and move on with life as usual. Losing my dad and a dear cousin years later was the height and I know it took a greater understanding of faith and God’s greater purpose to move on.

    We can only try our best to live right, spend quality time or check on loved ones as much as we can. At the end, it’s a price we all have to pay. My condolences for your loss and I can only pray God grant your Pastor and your family the fortitude to bear the loss. Amen

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    1. Amen! Thanks TSA. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your friend’s son.
      Like you said, we never fully get over the loss of a dear one, all we do is find a way to overlook the pain and move on with life.

      And as Christians, we don’t mourn as though we have no hope. I’m happy your friend and his wife have taken the loss of their son in good faith and courage. May our God who is Faithful through the good times and bad times comfort them and give them multiple reasons to shout for joy in Jesus name, Amen.

      The long comment is more than welcome.

      Like

  7. Hmmm . . . death brings us to a point of sober reflection. “What exactly is life?”

    Let’s do all we can while we can. The time is short.

    Dee, the Bible says, blesses are those who morn, for they shall be comforted. May your heart and those who are bereaved be comforted.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So so sorry for your loss; accept my condolence – you/ the bereaved family; and may God succur and comfort you all….I do not claim to know how it exactly feels,but anyone who has suffered loss of a dear one will definately have an idea of how terribly painful and helplessly empty it makes one to feel to loss a dear one….and so many “Why”questions that comes with death of a love one, are not ever palatable; some of them you have aptly enumerated already.

    Also,”When death happens”which you used as a driving title for this bold and courageous article of yours,indeed accurately captures the inevitable moment of death that all would rather aviod,if possible.The title did not say “If death happens”that would have suggested always avoidable,but it says”When”…. In other words, it is not optional when it is really God’s time to go;but the very”when”is what we do not really know,but we know it will occure someday…our prayer is that may it take us to the Lord should it occure and not catch us unaware while we were unprepared…. on the wrong side or yet to fulfill destiny….

    Again,Chi like you rightly said,am really among those that seriously dislike death; probably that is the reason this post did not immediately draw my attention until now that I have just read it at 2 pm- 12/02/2016; myself and my family happened to have suffered loss of a 26 year direct younger brother back in 2007 which occurred precisely on the 13th day of same January.

    Dear,among the troubles death brings is that,it painfully brings sorrow,pull your attention towards an unwanted area, distrupts your normal schedules,and gives you memory you will rather not wants to have; including lost of destiny and empowerment to pursue it.

    The damage death brings can go on and on unless you courageously shut it down with God’s help and His irrevocable loving perspective; probably you would have chosen to write on other topics if this unfortunate death had not occurred thereby redirecting your humble attention , that is why I called your article”bold and courageous”and that is what death needs and what it fears- those who can handle it with the elements of faith;am still learning towards this end though…My heart goes out to those who had to experience it,as it is heart breaking and they require all the help they can get.

    Paul declared that death is abolished (2/Tim.1:9-10;15:20-28,51);of a truth,there will be those that will not die whose bodies will be transforemed to immortality.Jesus tested death for all men who have lived with fear of death all their lives and defeated it for us (Heb.2:14-15 );death and hell will release their victims in the time to come…..this may be a mystery,but it remains truth of God’s word waiting for us to attain one day.

    Take heart in God and His healing. I dolf my heart for your courage; remain blessed and thanks .

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    1. Yes Ify, spoke with the dad some days ago and he sounds much better even a bit humorous about it. He said heaven needs children in it and he’s happy God has chosen his daughter to be among the select few… I felt so touched and speechless. God will continue to comfort them and replace their mourning with gladness.
      Thanks for asking dear

      Like

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